This thought hit me as I pondered the reality that my husband left one week ago tomorrow for the HOLY LAND. My life, since, has been, well...interesting. As you know, or might not know, this pregnancy has pretty much treated me like a dying pigeon, with no thought or care as to how I feel. Because this month has been a blur, it's also left me without the power to complete any task efficiently, nor to conjur enough strength to even step into the realm of creativity or for that matter, prosperity. My diet has completely unravelled at the plight of my stomach(have you had McD's triple thick strawberry shake lately??? yummo) and I lie on the couch most evenings commanding direction or ideas for the boys to keep themselves busy. Before John left, I was a sight to be seen. I had enough strength to get dinner on the table, and while feeding my face all was well. But as soon as I swallowed my last bite, the battle was on. I'd shuffle over to the couch, wrap up in my warm blanket, and watch my husband take over for the night. He would successfully gather the boys to help clear the table while he washed the dishes, swept the floor and set out the breakfast dishes. All the while everyone laughing and singing and snapping dish towels at each other (John's true talent!!!). And even though I was fighting to keep my stomach inside itself (which most nights failed), I watched with glee at the happy moments that father and sons were creating at my expense.
Then, the thought hit me. What. am. I. going. to. do. once John is gone??? I know it's only 10 days, but every day already seems like 20---how I am going to hold it together?? Well, the answer came soon enough. I had my first appt. 2 days before John was flying out. All went really well...and I got great news that I am probably a few weeks further along than I anticipated! When do you EVER hear that! And I am getting an early ultra sound to get an official due date (thanks to my lack of memory). But I think the best part of the 3 hour ordeal was after my appt. as I waited in line to deliver my urine in a cup (sealed tightly...but still!!!) and get my blood work done, I was finally filled with the true JOY of having a new little one growing inside me. This sickness has heavily loomed over me preventing any excitement of adding another baby to the fam. But there I stood in line, and my eyes filled with tears because I know this terrible part is such a short season and I have such a great reward awaiting at the end that will erase any rememberance of this time. (until, I suppose, I see another stick with 2 pink lines...then it will all come back. but that...is out of the realm of possibility right now.) And the answer: the midwife gave me a nausea perscription that was truly, truly a gift from God. I would not be making it this week without it! No doubt!
SO, to say I can't wait until John comes home is an understatement. But, he'd be proud to know that even in spite of Jack coloring the fridge pink today and Drew not falling asleep until 10:30pm last night and the boys completely emptying Jack's closet onto his floor, I have been holding down the fort! He felt so bad leaving me the way I was...but there was really nothing we could do. SO I got sweet things like special treats, daddy instructions to Drew to be the man of the house while he's gone and a stack of cards to read from him every night before I pillow my head. And not just a "blurb" card...a lot of writing kind of card. Just like the good old days!!! So even in spite of the mish-mosh feeling and lack of schedule without "daddy" to anchor us, we'll all have renewed appreciation to be together again. And that is a good thing.